I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
