Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
