I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't deserve a penis
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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