the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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