I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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