ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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