Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
