she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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