Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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