If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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