with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
