is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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