you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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