from now on my penis is your penis
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
