people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
