dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
