he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Small penises have feelings too.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
