Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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