i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
