I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dick very happy bro
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