Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
