I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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