The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
