Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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