She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
