Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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