what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
