I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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