I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
