You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
