So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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