Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
