I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
