Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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