The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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