i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
did you just send me my own nude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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