You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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