One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
