the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
