I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
