My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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