I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
