Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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