I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
