At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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