sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
