i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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