we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
