i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
