I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
