I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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