I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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