Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
