He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
