I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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