you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just found a bag of teeth...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
