dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
