I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
