do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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