he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
