i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
