I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
