I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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