you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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