my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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