I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
