You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im six kinds of drunk right now
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
