I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
