we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
