if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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