i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
